It's not that my week was horrendous, in fact it was quote lovely for the most part: Alt-J concert, beautiful weather, a fourth film shoot, Phi Kappa Phi initiation, etc. The real concern has been time management. I want to do it all and sometimes I pay the physical and mental price. I do things I shouldn't and wish that I would've done things that I didn't.
Graduation is my number one priority. I have a major group project due on the 16th, a short film due the 24th, a portfolio due the 30th, a group presentation, and 2 finals.
A lot of IMPORTANT SHIT!
In addition to academia, I have an internship, and a part-time job. I enjoy both of them very much and I think they've provided me with extremely important skills and opportunities for growth both professionally, and personally.
Everyone keeps asking "What are you going to do after graduation?" My answer:
"I don't have a fucking clue."
I wish I knew but I don't. I envy people who know what they're going to do for the rest of their lives, people like Manda. She's got wonderful goals for her life and she will be fantastic at her job. Now Mary wants to go to law school and I envision her as an extremely successful entertainment lawyer.
I guess my problem is that I see the world as extremely wide open. There is so much to see and do and only one lifetime to do it all. I'm interested in so much. I love film and I definitely want to give it my best shot by going to grad school or managing to build my skills enough to go out to L.A. where the action is. However, I'm terrified. I have major control issues and I have a terrible time putting faith in myself and my talents/skills/knowledge.
"Life is scary. Get used to it."-Dr. Bob Kelso, Scrubs
I also had a terrible fight with my mom last night. We haven't fought like that since I was a teenager. It was not a fun experience and I'm still quite shaken. I dropped her off at the airport for her trip to D.C. tonight and I'm hoping things will be in a better spot when she comes back. I love my mom with all my heart but like anyone she has flaws. Unfortunately we share flaws. The worst of which is a emotional control.
I will be the first to admit that I have a problem managing emotions. I'm extremely sensitive to everything. I think it's a blessing because I can very easily empathize with just about anyone. However, this sometimes causes extreme pain in my heart. The other side is that I can become enraged very easily and quite intensely. This makes it extremely difficult for me to live in this world but I know there is a purpose behind everything and as I said before it is not all negative. In fact the anger is less than 10% of the time.
I believe I am destined for great things but it takes patience, and a lot of hard work to get to our place in this world. I am thankful for everything that has, and will happen to me in the future because experiences, good or bad, shape life.
This entry was awfully heavy. Here's a little something to lighten the mood:
She's just so adorable.
XOXO
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